The Man Before the Title

In second grade, I knew I had met the girl I wanted to marry. I was so sure that I got down on one knee in the hallway. I was nervous, but I was convicted. After I asked, I waited for her response.

Her “no” crushed me for the rest of the day. I was heartbroken.

When I got home, I confided in my mom. Her response was heartfelt but honest. She asked me a few simple questions: Do you have a job? And do you have a house? When I told her that I had neither, her response was, “She is a wise girl.”

While my mom didn’t give me the answer I wanted, it was the one I needed. When I got on one knee, I was thinking only about myself. I never considered how I would provide for her or the responsibilities I would incur.

I only saw her as a prize to claim.

Privileges and Responsibilities

I wish I could say that I left this mentality in second grade.

I have often reached for titles or positions because they satisfied my desires. Becoming the captain of the soccer team served my ego. Wanting to join the school board would give me a certain prestige.

We look for challenges to win, promotions to achieve, and accolades to receive. This can happen in marriage, work, or the faith life. However, we can forget that those positions come with new responsibilities. Being captain meant I had to coach the team. Joining the school board required me to make difficult choices.

All of these situations offer us two things: privileges and responsibilities.

The privileges are often good things: a larger salary, a loving wife, and kids. They are meant to be enjoyed. Sadly, we can forget about the responsibilities that follow. If I am promoted and given a bigger salary, then I have a responsibility to those I lead.

While it is good to enjoy the privileges, the responsibilities must come first.

The Hidden King

A great example of a man who embraces his responsibilities is Aragorn in The Lord of the Rings.

Aragorn, of all men, can see the privileges that he stands to acquire as the king of Gondor. Not only will he receive the crown, but after being crowned king, he will receive the woman he loves as his wife. I do not think any of us could blame him for doing all he can to sit on the throne.

Aragorn does not let the privileges blind him.

That is why we first find him in the Prancing Pony as a ranger. He is a hidden king who defends the Shire and surrounding area. He embraces the responsibilities of a king long before he receives the crown.

As he gets closer to Gondor, he regularly places the good of the group over his own desire to go to the throne. Even after he has won a great battle in front of the city, and he could easily march in as the triumphant king, he stays outside the city walls. When he has to enter the city to heal the sick, he sneaks in, concealing who he is.

He does not seek the privileges; he simply looks to serve.

Living as a King

Aragorn does formally ascend to the throne after the war is over and the enemy is defeated. However, from his time as a ranger to his coronation, he has lived as a king, serving the people who are entrusted to him.

Aragorn shows us how to embrace our role and do it well. He is the heir to the throne. He doesn’t get complacent; instead, he builds himself up to be the man worthy of the throne.

If we want to be a manager, CEO, father, or leader, we must build ourselves up to be men worthy of those roles, whether they are offered to us or not. In fact, we may never get the title, but others will recognize the men we have become.

This requires a simple shift in how we view leadership. Instead of thinking, “I have this position, therefore others owe me something,” we should think, “I have this position, therefore I owe something to the people entrusted to me.”

As we go through life, there will be many privileges presented before us. While they are good, we must remember why we hold the position.

Let us be like Aragorn, living as servant kings to all those we lead.

This Week’s Challenge

Choose one role you currently hold: husband, father, manager, coach, teacher, or leader.

Ask yourself honestly:

Am I more focused on the privileges this role gives me or the responsibilities it asks me to carry?

Identify one responsibility you have been neglecting or could carry better. Then do something concrete about it this week.

Don’t wait for recognition. Become the man the role requires.

Forge Ahead

Anvil: the place of formation.
Arrow: the mission we’re sent on.

The world needs more men formed in virtue. Forward this to a brother who’s ready to grow.